My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
