I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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