please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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