i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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