it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
