Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
