He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
