you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
