I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
