Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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