Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
