mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
