if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
