So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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