Umm I'm too high to move.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize