you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
