I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
