well you can't waste a boner
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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