shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
