Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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