so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
