Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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