And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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