yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
