Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
