It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
