Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
