And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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