planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
