I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
