you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
