Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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