So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
