Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
