I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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