I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
