I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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