I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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