Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
only you would photoshop your dick
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize