Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
