Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
