normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
