at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
