I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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