took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can't motorboat a personality
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
