Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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