pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
