apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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