I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
