Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
