Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
