Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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