her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
