Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this hospital has no fireball
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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