a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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