I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
