1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
