I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
