Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
