Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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