Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
