So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
