dude i'm inner monologue high
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
