Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
