Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
