I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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