Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
