garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
