omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
