so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
